I Followed The Yellow Brick Road

Ahhhh retirement. There’s nothing like it. No really….there’s nothing like it, thank God. There’s so much we didn’t realize. But don’t tell anyone. We wouldn’t  want to spoil the surprises.

They tricked us you know. It was all a plot so they could downsize without having to fire us. Retire they say….it will be fun they say…. You’ll have all that time to do fun things, like read, relax, travel, sleep late. They even throw you a little bon voyage party.

So my financial advisor says, “Why don’t you do some traveling. You’d be fine taking out some of your retirement funds and going on a few trips.” Little did I know I’d be calling her the next week. “Yeah Sheila, about that trip. I think we’re going to take your advice. I wanna pull out some funds. Yeah, we decided to splurge and take a $12,000 trip to the dentist and when we get back maybe a quick $2,000 trip for a hip replacement.”

I don’t know about you but that extra reading I’ve been doing lately is reading the closed captions on TV. And when I get bored with that I pull out all our medications and read the long list of side effects. Hey some of them sound kind of interesting, I may have to give them a try. “May cause dizziness and hallucinations” ……..some people pay a lot of money for those. And all I paid was $20, and if I opt for generic hallucinations it’s only $5.

We’ve never been on a cruise. But I did get excited when the doctor’s office asked if I signed up for our portal. She was all excited…so I got all excited. Little did I know there is a difference between a portal and a ships porthole. So I guess they’re not sending us on a cruise anytime soon. Yup every doctor wants you to sign up for their portal. Between me, the hubby, and two pups we have 14 portals. After the first few I had to get creative with passwords. So I spent hours creating a system. Starting with ToHellWithThis1. Then the next- ToHellWithThisOne2. Yeah you get it….don’t tell me you haven’t done that too. And as you’re setting it up you’re wondering can I get in trouble from the password police for using a bad word? Cause you know I didn’t use the word Hell.

Yup….It’s all intimidating. Harder than trying to spend that $10 bonus Kohls cash on a free item. Yeah you laugh but it’s harder than spending real money. And even more frustrating when you get through the long line at the register holding your prized $9.99 free selection only to be told your free cash expired a week ago.

Expiration Dates. That my friends is what it all comes down to. Getting the most out of life before it expires. And you never know when that date stamped on the container is going to be wrong. So enjoy it while you can.  Eat, drink, and try to be merry now, while you can because we just never know.